The younglings of our world do NOT know how to assemble a hamburger the right way. I won’t let any chef call themself decent until they read this story. For assembling the burger, you’ll need 1 top bun, 1 bottom bun, iceberg lettuce, beefsteak tomatoes, Heinz ketchup, Heinz yellow mustard, Vlasic pickle chips, red onions, cheddar cheese slices, and the beef patty. First, start by taking the bottom bun, and placing it on the counter. Next, on the bottom bun, squirt Heinz ketchup and Heinz mustard in a circle the width of 1.5 Vlasic pickle chips and the height of the width of a No. 2 Ticonderoga pencil lead. Now from bottom to top, place the patty, cheddar cheese slice, iceberg lettuce, 4 Vlasic pickle chips, beefsteak tomato slice, and sliced red onions. To finish it off, put the top bun on your burger. That is the only way to assemble a burger. Toodles.
The Art of Burger Assembly: Sequel to the Art of PB & J Making
Adrian Cain, Contributor
February 29, 2024